There's a Happy Bunny in all of us

Call it cynicism, negativity, pessimism. We all have at least a little of it. I have always been a glass half-full kind of girl, but sometimes certain situations make me think that the world really is on a rocket-ship course straight to hell.

My good friend, the Happy Bunny, sums it up: School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks. Sure, it's funny. But there's so much truth in that little statement. Most high-schoolers I know have the same response when I ask them how school is going: "Eh...it's okay, I guess." Translation: "Please kill me now." Okay, so maybe there's a few kids out there who can't wait to get up in the morning, eat a healthy, well-balanced meal, and skip off to the sacred halls of learning. Where they will sit in an overcrowded classroom, listen to an angry, bored teacher talk about the importance of being able to add, subtract and multiply fractions and finally get a lot of repetitive homework that will take them into the wee hours of the following morning. Woo hoo.

And then the real world hits them between the eyes. Step one: College. Same basic idea here. Let's all get up, go sit in a classroom with a bunch of other high school graduates, and learn stuff. Talk about my idea of a good time. Don't get me wrong here, I love to learn. I watch the discovery channel. After all the good cartoons are over.

Okay, so now we've learned enough, right? Excuse me for a moment, I've just laughed up my spleen. Got to put that back in...okay, now we can move on. Here's our next step out into the world where we can be productive members of society. Let's get a job! Of course, that's only if we don't want to go to school some more. Maybe get our Masters in Underwater Basket Weaving? No? Okay, but only if you're sure.

So, now we're on a job hunt. I guess I'll look in the want ads. Hmm, LPN. What's that? Lower Particle Nutrients? No, it must be Lever Power Nucleus. Okay, moving on. Here we go! They're hiring at Burger King! Yes! Sign me up.

And here I am, a college graduate, working at Burger King. Of course my supervisor is a 16-year-old high school student with me as an example of why not to go to college. I'm sure he laughed up his spleen when he heard I was starting. It's now the third day of work and I have dunked my supervisor's head in the fryer because he told me I was assembling the hamburgers incorrectly. My next stop, prison. And what a phony charge, too. Assault and battery, my ass. I'll assault and batterize them if they really want me to. I learned all about it in my Judo class in college.

Okay, so maybe BK isn't for me. What else is out there? Ah, here's an office assistant position. Yes, the people seem nice. Good work environment. Nice salary. I guess I'll give it a try. Oops! I accidentally stapled my boss's head to the wall for telling me to say, "One moment, please," instead of, "hold on for one second," for the nine-hundred, sixty-six thousand, two-hundred and forty-seventh time. Back to prison for me.

I guess work just isn't for me. What else can I do with my life? Hmm, there's always wandering vagrant. But then, I'm not into cardboard boxes and grocery carts. I could win the lottery. But I was banned from the 7-11 for yelling at the clerk for being out of Fiddle Faddle. Damn, what can I do?

I guess I'll go back to college, get more degrees, apply for a research grant and discover a way to keep a person's spleen inside their body when they laugh too hard.

Moral of the story: School prepares you for the real world, which also sucks. Happy Bunny was right.